Today is my daughter's 14th birthday. I wanted to post a picture of the two of us together. I was going to talk about how special she is to me, how hard we have worked for our relationship, how far we have come from those early days filled with anger, resentment, and fear. I even had a quote ready. It included the words "worth fighting for" and "never give up." Dorris Wedding petite mother of the bride or groom dresses short

I scrolled through my camera looking for the perfect photo to post.

And then I saw this picture.

I am crying as I write this. No matter how much I love my daughter, no matter the heartache and triumph and tears and laughter we have shared together, this other woman will always have something I never will.

She will always be the one to have carried my daughter in her womb. She will always be the one to have looked into her newborn eyes, milky and unfocused, and whispered in her delicate ear. She is the one who watched her first steps and heard her first words.

And she will always, always be a part of our relationship. This complex, fragile relationship the three of us share.

It is not a bad thing. But it is a hard thing. It is nuanced and sticky and I don't always get it right.

But today I will. Today I choose to honor this woman who birthed my daughter. Fourteen years ago she brought a special baby girl into the world. Four years ago she entrusted that baby girl to me.

Happy birthday to a my sweet, beautiful, overcomer of a daughter...from both of your mothers.